Scene 9: The Pomme du Pup
The headwaiter of the Pomme du Pup is outside the restaurant taking in the evening air when he notices a cloud of dust on the horizon. He squints his eyes and then starts to panic
Waiter: (panicking) Oh, Mon Dieu! Not him again! (And rushes inside slamming the door behind him)
(“MONSIEUR ATHOS” comes from inside the restaurant as Aramis whoas his horse, closely followed by Athos)
Aramis: (smiling) Looks like you’ll have to pay, Athos. You’re the last one here!
Athos: (pointing behind him) I beg to differ, Aramis
(The carriage with Porthos, D’Artagnan and the Doctor in arrives and the occupants disembark in the order that they got in so that when the Doctor gets out, the Musketeers all point at him)
Musketeers: (in a sing song way) You’re paying the bill! You’re paying the bill! (And they enter the restaurant)
Doctor: (with his hands in his pockets) Now, 1625, euros are no good, and francs won’t help either. Oh, where are those Louis? (He takes a number of coins out of his pocket and smiles) A hundred! That should cover Athos! (And he strides into the restaurant)
(The Musketeers are already seated but have left the head of the table for the Doctor. As he sits down the waiter arrives)
Waiter: (half smiling and half nervous) May I (gulp) take your orders, please?
Athos: The best dish that you have, Pierre! (And he winks)
Waiter: (laughing nervously) Ah, the speciality of the house then!
D’Artagnan: And that is?
Waiter: Something that you can only eat at the Pomme du Pup, Monsieur!
D’Artagnan: Sounds interesting!
Waiter: (writing down the order) That’s 25 dishes of the day for Monsieur Athos (Athos laughs), and 4 dishes of the day for the rest of you gentlemen. May I recommend also the house pate?
Doctor: Why not? (He dumps the coins on the table)
Waiter: And what would the Cavaliers like to drink?
Porthos: A Chateaux de Ayres!
Doctor: I’m impressed, Porthos! I didn’t have you as a wine connoisseur!
Aramis: I would like a red wine perhaps an Antomilido!
Doctor: Er, Aramis, that’s a Spanish wine you know!
Aramis: When it comes to wine, Doctor, I don’t discriminate!
Athos: Neither do I, just bring it in the biggest container that you’ve got (and he laughs)
D’Artagnan: I’ll have a glass of fresh milk from the Pyrenees, Monsieur
Doctor: I’ll have mine in a cup of tea, if you don’t mind!
(The waiter looks at D’Artagnan and the Doctor)
D’Artagnan: You don’t have milk from the Pyrenees then?
Waiter: I’ll see what I can do, Monsieur!
Doctor: If that’s not possible, I’ll have some squashed oranges then!
(The waiter scratches his head and makes his way to the kitchen)
Waiter: (shouts into kitchen) Hey, Louis, I hope you are well stocked (and he goes into the kitchen and comes back a few moments later with several plates of food which the Doctor and Musketeers tuck into)
(Outside the restaurant, Widimir is marching a group of guardsmen down the road)
Widimir: (grumbling) I’ll show that Rochefort who’s the best Captain around here. I’ll lay siege to Musketeer HQ if need be. I’ll find that Doctor! (He then spots the horses outside the restaurant) That’s Treville’s carriage (he starts to think) and where there is Treville there are Musketeers and where there are Musketeers there’s a Doctor! (He points at the restaurant and the guardsmen quickly surround it. He walks towards the door and pushes them open with his boots. As he sees the Doctor, a smile crosses his face) Listen, Doctor, I have to ask you a few questions
Doctor: Yikes! (And he dives under the table)
Widimir: I know that you are in here! You have to come with me and answer a few questions!
(The Musketeers carry on eating their food and pass comments. The Doctor peers over the edge in disbelief)
Widimir: Doctor, didn’t you hear me?
(The Doctor starts to stand up, but his attention is caught by a grunt from Porthos who winks. The Doctor realises that a plan is forming and sits down and continues to eat his meal. Widimir loses his patience and sends the guardsmen into the restaurant)
Doctor: (to Aramis) I must say this pate is excellent! Where did you say it came from?
(Widimir grunts and draws his sword, much to Porthos’s surprise)
Porthos: (gasps) I don’t believe it, Widimir has unsheathed his sword!
Athos: You must be mistaken Porthos, Widimir only uses a pistol!
Aramis: Perhaps he’s been practising the art of fencing?
(The guardsmen start to advance on the Musketeers)
Widimir: (shouting) Are you hard of hearing, Doctor? I said that you’re coming with us!
(Under their breath, the Musketeers mutter “One for all and all for one”. The Doctor lifts his plate and puts it on his lap and carries on eating. Porthos cracks his knuckles and then suddenly dives underneath the table. The Doctor stands up and puts the plate on the table)
Doctor: Yes, Captain? Did you say something?
Widimir: (fit to burst) I said that you are coming with us, Doctor!
Doctor: (dabbing his lips with a handkerchief) Did you? Oh, I am dreadfully sorry, I didn’t hear you. I fear, however, that Monsieur Porthos has something to say on the subject!
(With a grunt, Porthos lifts the table over his head and growls)
Doctor: Could you be so kind as to tell the Captain what I think of his request, Porthos?
(Porthos throws the table at the guardsmen who scatter. The Musketeers draw their swords and start to battle the guardsmen. The Doctor uses this to cover his escape up the stairs and dives into the toilets. He catches his breath and nibbles on a bit of food. He notices an open window and looks down)
Doctor: (with a smile on his face) Well, if I can use a fire hose to abseil down the side of a building, then why not a column!
(The Doctor climbs out of the window and gently climbs down the column landing on the ground on both feet. The sound of fighting can still be heard from inside the restaurant)
Doctor: Now, how do I help the Musketeers?
(As he speaks and unseen by the Doctor, Rochefort walks up behind him and cocks a gun prodding him in the back)
Rochefort: A more pertinent question would be who helps you, Monsieur? (As he prepares to fire the gun)