Monday, 22 June 2009

Scene 9 (Post Cliffhanger)

(The guardsmen start to advance on the Musketeers)

Widimir: (shouting) Are you hard of hearing, Doctor? I said that you’re coming with us!

(Under their breath, the Musketeers mutter “One for all and all for one”. The Doctor lifts his plate and puts it on his lap and carries on eating. Porthos cracks his knuckles and then suddenly dives underneath the table. The Doctor stands up and puts the plate on the table)

Doctor: Yes, Captain? Did you say something?

Widimir: (fit to burst) I said that you are coming with us, Doctor!

Doctor: (dabbing his lips with a handkerchief) Did you? Oh, I am dreadfully sorry, I didn’t hear you. I fear, however, that Monsieur Porthos has something to say on the subject!

(With a grunt, Porthos lifts the table over his head and growls)

Doctor: Could you be so kind as to tell the Captain what I think of his request, Porthos?

(Porthos throws the table at the guardsmen who scatter. The Musketeers draw their swords and start to battle the guardsmen. The Doctor uses this to cover his escape up the stairs and dives into the toilets. He catches his breath and nibbles on a bit of food. He notices an open window and looks down)

Doctor: (with a smile on his face) Well, if I can use a fire hose to abseil down the side of a building, then why not a column!

(The Doctor climbs out of the window and gently climbs down the column landing on the ground on both feet. The sound of fighting can still be heard from inside the restaurant)

Doctor: Now, how do I help the Musketeers?

(As he speaks and unseen by the Doctor, Rochefort walks up behind him and cocks a gun prodding him in the back)

Rochefort: A more pertinent question would be who helps you, Monsieur? (As he prepares to fire the gun)

Doctor: (putting his hands up in the air) No-one?

Rochefort: (lowering the gun) A very sensible answer, now move! (And he prods the Doctor in the back with the gun)

Doctor: (sighing as he’s marched to the front of the restaurant) Why is it that every time I come to Paris, someone sticks a gun in my back?

Rochefort: Halt!

(The Doctor stops in front of the restaurant inside of which fighting can still be heard)

Rochefort: Then allow me to make a change for you. (He moves in front of the Doctor and aims the gun at his head). You know, I really ought to thank that idiot Widimir. I thought he might try something stupid and I was spot on. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to kill you!

Doctor: (hearing that the sounds in the restaurant are getting louder) May I be permitted to address you with my last words?

Rochefort: (yawning) If you must!

Doctor: (shifts his position) It is a far, far, better thing that I do than I have ever done. It is a far, far better rest that I go to that I have ever known! It is a far, far better…

(Just then the door to the restaurant explodes outwards as Porthos throws Widimir through it)

Doctor: (ducks) DUCK!

(Rochefort realises too late what is happening and Widimir collides with him sending the two men sprawling on the ground. The gun fires and ricochets off a nearby sign)

Rochefort: (heaving Widimir off him) Curse you, Widimir! Just wait till the Cardinal hears about this! (He runs towards a nearby horse, mounts it and gees the horse with Widimir in hot pursuit)

(The Musketeers watch the events from the restaurant, look at each other and then laugh their heads off. The Doctor stands up and brushes himself down)

Doctor: (to himself) This is very odd. Why would Rochefort want to kill me? And what is even more interesting is why would the Cardinal be so interested in me and not the Musketeers? There’s something odd going on here and it’s not just political!

(The Doctor addresses the Musketeers)

Doctor: Gentlemen, I suggest that we return to Musketeer Headquarters!

Athos: (shocked) What? When there are still 17 courses left to have?

Doctor: (licking his lips) Oh, well if you put it that way!

(The owner stands in their way)

Owner: (coughs harshly) And what about my door, Monsieur?

Doctor: Nothing Monsieur Porthos and an old friend of mine can’t fix! (And he takes out the sonic screwdriver)

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