Scene 5: Treville’s quarters
(Athos and the Doctor are in Treville’s quarters at Musketeer Headquarters. Treville is asking Athos about an incident that happened before the Doctor’s arrival. Treville is behind a desk sitting down)
Athos: And so we thought we would teach them a lesson!
(Treville growls quietly at Athos’s answer)
Treville: But things got out of hand, and it turned into a common brawl?
Treville: (getting up from his desk and looking the Doctor up and down) And where do you fit into all of this, Monsieur Docteur?
Doctor: (coughing politely) It’s Doctor, actually and, well to be honest, I don’t!
Treville: (surprised) You don’t?
Doctor: That’s right. You see my companion and I only arrived in Paris a couple of hours ago. Now, if I have my sense of timing right, it sounds as though the events that happened involving Monsieur Athos here happened this morning, so we couldn’t very well shed any light on the event if we weren’t there, now can we?
(Treville finds himself nodding in agreement. There is a knock at the door and a servant pops his head around it)
Servant: Monsieur Treville, there is a lady here to see you!
Treville: (growling) I thought I gave instructions not to be disturbed (to Athos and the Doctor) Please excuse me! (And he leaves the room)
(As Treville leaves the room, Aramis, Porthos and D’Artagnan enter the room with D’Artagnan clearly in a state of surprise)
D’Artagnan: Did you know that Madame Jean Call is outside?
Doctor: (shocked) Not THE Madame Jean Call?
D’Artagnan: You know her?
Doctor: (rummaging in his pockets and taking out several pieces of cotton wool) Only by reputation!
Athos: Reputation? What reputation?
Doctor: (putting the cotton wool in his ears) For having the loudest voice in all of France!
(The Musketeers look at the Doctor in amazement and Athos scratches his head. A short while later a loud and shrill voice screams from outside the room “I assure you, Monsieur Treville, that you will REGRET this outrage”. The Musketeers all fiddle with their ears as the Doctor takes the cotton wool of our his ears)
Doctor: (smiling as he puts the wool back in his pockets) Prevention is the better part of valour, gentlemen!
(The Musketeers all look at each other and nod. Treville re-enters the room and D’Artagnan presents him with a musket)
D’Artagnan: Captain Treville, this is the musket used to injure the Doctor’s companion!
Doctor: (shocked) You mean whoever shot him was aiming at him?
D’Artagnan: Non, Monsieur. The assailant was aiming at Monsieur Athos. I saw this and threw him to the ground to save his life. (Bowing to the Doctor) I am sorry if your friend was hurt as a result of my actions!
Doctor: I’m sure that Paul will forgive you. After all, we can’t have Athos being killed now, can we?
Athos: (laughing heartily) Indeed we can’t, Docteur!
Doctor: Doctor, Athos, Doctor!
Treville: (looking at the musket) This is like no musket I have ever seen at all in my life. Doctor, you seem to know a fair bit about these things, what do you make of it? (And he hands it to the Doctor)
Doctor: (taking the musket and investigates it) Let’s have a look then! (He examines the musket and then freezes before handing the musket back to Treville by the handle) Oh, I know exactly what sort of musket this is.
(The Musketeers are all on tenterhooks)
Treville: Then, please tell us, Monsieur!
Doctor: It’s a Smith and Wesson!
(The Musketeers and Treville look at each other and scratch their heads)
Treville: And what sort of musket is that then?
Doctor: (under his breath) One that shouldn’t be invented for another three hundred years!
Treville: I’m sorry, Doctor, what did you say?
Doctor: (coughing) Oh, sorry, didn’t you catch what I said? I said, “I am sorry to state that you have confirmed my fears”. This is the latest musket used by the forces of King Phillip IV!
Treville: King Phillip IV?
Doctor: Of Spain!
(Treville paces the floor in front of his desk)
Treville: This is a very worrying development. If King Phillip is arming the Cardinal’s guards then this can only mean one thing. Spain is trying to subvert French society. (He stops pacing) Gentlemen, I am afraid I am going to have to have to cancel your leave from now on.
(The Musketeers greet this news by protesting)
Treville: (holding up his hand) I will ask the King for his advice on this issue. In the meantime, I would suggest that you find all the Musketeers and bring them back to Headquarters.
D’Artagnan: Does that include me, sir?
Treville: Indeed it does D’Artagnan, which is why I want you to tell the cadets the news!
(D’Artagnan swells with pride and marches out of Treville’s quarters)
Treville: You have your orders, Gentlemen!
Doctor: Er, excuse me for a moment, Monsieur. I was wondering if I could borrow Porthos, a horse and a cart?
Treville: A horse and cart, I can understand Doctor, but why Porthos?
Doctor: (winking at Porthos) I’m hoping that he can lift a monolith for me.
(Porthos rubs his hands together in glee as the Musketeers and the Doctor leave Treville’s quarters)